Saturday, 21 April 2007

The Truth about......... Baby Poo.

This morning's musings are a far cry from tea (except for the fact that I’m having a cup while I’m typing*), but having just change one of Ewan McPoopypants’ now legendary exploding poopie-bum nappies I’ve been mulling this over all morning, so here you go. There’s been extensive research on this topic in our household (well maybe not extensive, but I’ve been changing shitty arses pretty much every day for the last 3 years so I think I’m entitled to have my say Winky ).

So here’s a list of inalienable truths I’ve discovered about baby poo:

#1. The more public the place, the worse the smell.
Poos done at home can sometimes be pretty stinky, but the same poo done in a crowded doctor’s office will make a visit to a sewage farm smell like a day trip to the Chelsea Flower Show.

#2. The dressier the outfit (yours), the worse the spreading quotient.
If you’re in the house in your jeans and a T-shirt (or your jammies if it’s one of those days) you can usually get away pretty much unscathed. Change a last minute nappy when you’re dressed and ready for a night out though, and that stuff is spreading into places even you didn’t know you had (guaranteed to be found on your person half way through your night out when you realise that that weird smell that’s been lurking in the pub all evening is, in fact, you).

#3. The 80/20 Rule
Everything changes once they start eating solids. From then on the 80/20 rule applies. 80% of the time what comes out the bottom end resembles pretty closely what went in the top. The other 20% is some unidentifiable colour that makes you wonder what their siblings/grandparents/fathers/mothers have been feeding them when you’re not looking. Are there any foods that are actually Khaki coloured? Hmmm.

#4. Fart propelled poopies travel further than you’d think.
‘Nuff said.

#5. If they can reach the poo with their hands, then it’s fair game.

#6. The law of the last two wipes.
Babies will inevitably save their worse poo of the day for the time when you’re out and about and you only have two baby wipes left in the packet. Then you have to improvise. Firstly there’s the toilet roll, which just gets welded to their bum and makes everything 10 times harder to remove. It doesn’t even help if you try spitting on it first and it disintegrates when you run it under the tap (but hey, that’s what it’s designed to do!). Then you resort to the (alcohol filled) wet wipes you have in your handbag. If the baby didn’t have nappy rash before, he does now. If all else fails then you have to go for the absolute last resort of running their naked bum under the taps at the sink. This one’s exceptionally difficult if it’s got those stupid taps with the push down thing that only stay on for thirty seconds (who can wash their hands in that amount of time, let along butt cheeks?!). So, eventually they’re clean and changed. You are of course covered in poo, bits of soggy, disintegrated toilet roll and water splashes from the super-spray sink taps (if you’re dressed for any appointment remotely important then point #2 will also apply here).

I think that’s about enough poopy talk for today, although I can't guarantee there won't be more at a later date. I’m beginning to think Kendo’s comment regarding my blog last night -“You need a job” - could well have some merit.


*FYI: Made tea in the big yellow teapot this morning – it wasn’t very nice. Maybe I’m not doing it right, or I need to clean the pot out better?

Friday, 20 April 2007

On the subject of Teaparties......

Today’s musing (well, I did warn you that this was going to be about the crap that goes on in my head) is continuing on the Madhatter’s Teaparty train of thought. I’ve been drinking a LOT of tea recently (being a SAHM will do that to you) and today I got to wondering the million dollar tea question.

Does tea really taste better when it’s made in a pot rather than in a mug?

I have a friend who swears it does and always makes tea in a pot. I do own a teapot, a nice round yellow one (see photo*) purchased for me by my aforementioned teapot-loving friend during our drink addled spell at Keele Uni. I’m certain there was a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why she bought me a big yellow teapot but, for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was! Anyhow, I personally can’t tell the difference between teapot tea and made-in-the-mug tea. Maybe it made a difference when you used actual tea leaves and not teabags (useless piece of information, the teabag was invented by an American, Thomas Sullivan, in 1908 but wasn’t introduced commercially in the UK until Tetley launched theirs in 1953 – thanks Wikipedia). Can anyone really be bothered with tea leaves these days? Back in the day if you were loaded and had someone to empty the teapot for you maybe but urgghhhhh at the thought of cleaning tea leaves out of the tea pot. Maybe it’s time for some DIY tea making research. I’ll have to try the teapot out this week. Teabags only though!

On that note, I’m off to put the kettle on.


*Okay, confession time. You can tell just how long it is since I used the big yellow tea pot by the fact that it had practically welded itself to the top of the kitchen cabinet and it took me ten minutes and 4 big squirts of fairy liquid (pink grapefruit and mint, in case you’re interested) to get all the grease off the outside of it so I could take a photo. I am such a slob!

Thursday, 19 April 2007

And so it begins........

So. I've chosen an obsure blog title. I've chosen a template. I've added to my profile complete with bizarre self portrait photo. Now I haven't got the first clue what I'm going to say on here! Kendo could have a point when he said "what the hell have you got to say to the world?" LOL.

At the moment things around here are same old, same old. What was the saying? S.S.D.D?? Same Shit, Different Day. Grace is in playschool 5 afternoons a week, which should be a good thing, but those 3.5 hours don't half go by quick and by the time I'm out of the door to go anywhere I'm thinking about coming home for the school run. Ewan is sitting up on his own, chewing everything is sight (including Gracie's toys - I forsee future battles and trips to A&E over that issue!) and growing like there's no tomorrow (but that's what 7 month olds do right?).

I've signed up for the Madhatters Cybercrop on UK Scrappers ( - because what I need is more crafting commitments, not! I'm actually having a blast though and I'm finally talking to other UKSs other than my points team - venturing out into the big wide UKS world. Scary. Thankfully it seems they don't bite (well, not unless you ask them nicely).

I supposed I should go and work out how to use this thing now I've sign up for it! Watch this space (or not if you have a life) for some family photos and scrapping project pics, when I work out how to load them!