Monday, 3 March 2008

In Mysterious Ways.

There’s a running battle in our house to get Gracie to go to the loo on her own. The problem stems from the fact that she has a bit of trouble wiping her own little tush if she’s gone for a #2. It’s not an easy skill to master, apparently. It’s one of those things that you don’t really recall having been taught – yet you must have been, and now you’ve been doing it so long you can’t remember.

Anyhow. Friday last week Gracie decides she needs to go to the loo. I finally persuaded her to go on her own so I didn’t have to drag Egg up with us and told her that if she pooped to shout me and I would come upstairs then to wipe her bum.

Off she trundles up the stairs, leaving me downstairs attempting to convince Egg that plastic Peppa Pig figures do not constitute one of the four major food groups…again (I’ve tried explaining that at 16 months old he really should be past the desire to eat everything. He disagrees. Strenuously).

A few minutes later I hear Gracie shouting me. So, I remove all the small chewable items from Egg’s reach, supply him with a toy way to large to enable him to fit the entire thing in his mouth and run upstairs to deal with Ms Poopybum. This was the conversation that ensued.

Me: Hi Gracie, you all done?

Grace: Yes. I’m finished. (pauses thoughtfully) Baby Jesus is helping me.

Me: (looking startled and somewhat perplexed) Baby Jesus is helping you poo?

Grace: No, mummy*. Baby Jesus is helping me be good. Now can you wipe my bum please.

Possibly one of the strangest conversations I’ve had in my life (not even surpassed by the one about why Mackenzie at playschool goes to the toilet standing up… I had to double check that Mackendzie was a boy!)). I was worried we might have to amend the phrase to God (bowel) move(ment)s in mysterious ways.

Blessed are the children don’t they say (not so much blessed as bonkers in Gracie’s case).

*I feel I need to add something about the tone of this particular “Mummy”. Imagine a 4 year old building an inflection of mild distain into her speech. She says it in this tone like she’s some rebellious trust fund baby and I’m the wicked purse-string-holding mother who’s just informed her that she can’t have the thoroughbred pony she’s been hankering after so she can beat all the other prep school girls in the gymkana. I really don’t know where she gets it from. The level of annoyance caused by the use of this tone is only slightly less than that which occurs when she calls me “Mother” – thanks for that Kendo :P


Lou said...

Only Gracie's mind could work in such ways!!

And actually, I have no idea how you learn to wipe your own bum or how you get a small person to do their own; even though Emily does wipe her own bum now, no idea how we got there!!

April said...

Bless her! I remember Caitie having similar problems and the sight of her with her knickers round her ankles and her bottom in the air waiting for Mummy's assistance is one I won't forget in a hurry!

Also know what you mean about the disdainful tone - in our house it's mostly "Daddy" that gets that inflection (complete with heavy sigh and rolling of eyes!)

Ah - kids eh? xx

Mrs Moog said...

Hi Marie,
Thanks for commenting on my post!! Good to meet you :)

I love this post. You cannot beat a good abstract conversation with a little person!!

This reminds me of my friend who had trouble with her daughter regarding the whole no.2 wiping thing. One day her daughter got off the loo and devoid of underwear bum shuffled all the way down their new cream stair carpet - yup, just after no.2's and no wipeage!!!

Nice ;)


RachelC said...


Monkee Maker said...

Hi Marie,

We do that too! ..... not the wiping small botties thing anymore (phew!) .... but the having a manic tidy-up before visitors descend.

Happily / unhappily (depending on your point of view) we get very few visitors, which is why my house is looking so vile at the moment.

Loving Daph(er)ne, and especially loving that shot of one of her .... appendages .... in production!


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kim said...

LOL! That is too funny. And we're a step behind you in the bum wiping. We can hardly get the Bean to wipe for #1.

Anonymous said...

Oh LMAO - that is too funny!

Got a question for you oh knitting guru! I'm trying my hand at a bit of knitting - not too successfully - my casting on and stitches all seem too tight - what can I dooooooooooooooo - besides not cast on so tight - hmmm probably answered my own question there!

Ho hum!