Then there are other times, when you have the actual flu. Like, real, proper “if there was a £50 note in the front garden you wouldn’t crawl out of your pit to retrieve it” flu. Like influenza. That’s where I’ve been.
This delightful bout of influenza had a whole host of lovely stages to pass through before emerging from the other side, half a stone (that’d be 8lbs for you non UK people, or 3.6 kgs for you metrically inclined people) the lighter.
Phase One: I appear to have been run over by a steam roller.
The first sign that something untoward is afoot. Every limb aches, your joints feel like tennis balls and you're convinced if you lean forward too far your head might well roll right off your shoulders because it’s not possible for your little neck to support something that’s clearly the weight of 3 small elephants.
Phase Two: Is it me, or is it hot in here?
Ah, the fever. Deep joy. You’re hot. In fact, you’re roasting. The thermometer is giving a reading of 39.7oC (that’d be 103.4oF) and yet…… your whole body is shaking and causing your teeth to chatter and you feel the urge to bury yourself under a pile of snuggly blankets in an attempt to keep warm. Which is ridiculous, because clearly warm should not be something you’re lacking.
Phase Three: One lung or two?
The coughing. Not just a polite, girlie little “excuse me” cough. We’re talking big body-wracking hacking noises where you sound like an 80 year old 60-a-day smoker and you can hear the mucus rattling round inside your chest. Not to mention the fact that every time you cough it just amplifies the fear that your giant head might indeed accidentally become detached from your body and go for a nice little roll across the living room floor (where there’s a good chance the cat might use it as a football).
Phase Four: Drowning in a sea of snot.
It shouldn’t be possible for one human being to produce so much mucus. You can’t lie down because it literally feels like you’re drowning in your own snot. You can’t help but think that if the cells of your body spent more time actually doing battle with the virus and less time in the mucus production business that you might stand a chance of getting better quicker.
Phase Five: Misery loves company.
Now everyone else in the house has the flu. Which, as a mother, puts you in right down at the bottom of the pecking order. So now not only do you a) still feel like a bag of crap but now you b) no longer get any sympathy and c) have to spend your time trying to make everyone else feel better.
Phase Six: Virus, meet your new friend, bacteria.
Not content with being on its own the virus decides to let in its newest buddy, the bacteria. Hello chest infection complete with dizzy spells (caused by congestion in the ears – which for some reason makes me think of lines of tiny little cars all line up in a big ,long, inner ear traffic jam). Is there no end to this misery? Thank God for Penicillin!
So. That’s where I’ve been anyway.
What does that have to do with the title of this post? Not a lot really, but I thought an explanation of my almost 2 week absence from the land of blogdom was needed.
The title of the post has to do with this:
*can you spot the not-so-deliberate mistake? I've been looking at this in various stages for 3 years and I didn't notice it until this evening, and I'll be buggered if I'm unpicking the bloody thing now!
Which is a double quilt for my youngest SIL’s birthday. I’d love to say that the title is a fancy schmancy name for pattern I came up with for it. Unfortunately, in reality, it refers to the length of time it’s taken for me to get around to finishing the damn thing! Seriously. They’ve made blockbuster Hollywood trilogies in less time than its take me to make this quilt. As it’s her birthday tomorrow though I thought I’d better finally pull my finger out and get round to finishing it. For future reference though – dizzy spells and a sewing machine? Not the best company. Ah well, ‘tis all finished now.
You might recall before the delightful flu bug hit that I mentioned I was going to learn to crochet. Well, there was some pre-snot-ridden progress with that. In this case practice making, whilst definitely not perfect, at least progress.
These were the first (very poor) attempts:
Thankfully, things finally started to make sense and I managed this:
and then eventually this:
My first completed granny square!! Woo hoo!! Could this prove to be addictive? I think possibly yes.
So, that’s me. Finally back in the land of the blogger. Now I just need to go and catch up on the 150+ posts that my Google reader is telling me I’ve missed. I’ll be catching up with you all on your blogs shortly! Hope I haven’t missed anything too exciting.