Wednesday, 30 July 2008

The Tooth, The Whole Tooth And Nothing But The Tooth.


Let’s just get this straight, right off the bat, so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

I HATE DENTISTS!

That’s not to say that I hate them in a social capacity. I’m sure they’re all lovely people off the clock. Well, except for the last guy we were registered under who was prosecuted for performing procedures whilst under the influence of recreational narcotics (needless to say we don’t go there anymore!), he might be an exception.

So, while having a dentist as a friend wouldn’t bother me, when they’re in their official capacity, then they’re well and truly off my Christmas Card list. What is it about them that bothers me? Well, first off there’s the scraping *shudder* especially that bit on your bottom teeth, inside, right on the gum line. Eek! Then there’s the big pointy needles (not that needles per se bother me, it’s needles-meet-gums I have issue with. Then there’s the drilling. DRILLING! Metal and tooth enamel are two substances that should never have to meet IMO! (alas in my mouth they have met regularly).

Do you know what’s worse though. The absolute WORST thing about dentists? Not only do they want to do the scraping and the needle jabbing and the drilling…. They want you to PAY them for the privilege! It’s wrong I tell you. Wrong!

This afternoon I’ll be paying for the privilege of being drilled, filled and yanked (although not necessarily in that order). Actually, I’ve already paid for the privilege, because they make you cough up in advance at our dentist. I’m scheduled for a filling and having one of my wisdom teeth taken out. Can you tell how happy I am about that?

In honour of my dental expedition this afternoon, here’s some bad dentist jokes (that would be bad jokes about dentists, not jokes about bad dentists – or maybe it’s actually both). Enjoy.

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

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A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone."
The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
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"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."


TTFN

4 comments:

Jaime said...

ROFL and the "private zone" joke!!

hope your visit is not too terribly dramatic!

Lucy Locket-Pocket said...

I'm off to the dentist on Friday to have a tooth pulled - unfortunately it's not one of my wisdoms - just one that went manky when I was pregnant with one of the little Lockets. The good thing is that my dentist is really nice and kind so I don't really mind going - maybe I won't tell him the jokes!

April said...

I hate dentists too - I really resent paying for pain!

Hope you're feeling better soon.

April xx

Marmadaisy said...

Personally, I object to having a stranger put things in my mouth while I lie there pasively. I have the same problem with doctors and opticians. You even have to spit your drink out! Last time I went she pointed at Mr M and said "if you don't start flossing properly you'll end up with teeth like his". I now floss everyday :)